Today is November 7, 2013

Topic of the day:

Suicide

I used to have a big issue with suicide and my angry thoughts. My mother never really noticed because I would hide my true feelings. Honestly, I thought about if I left this world. How would my mother feel? How would my friends and family feel. Sometimes, I would just think I don’t even care. I used to try to pop pills, cut myself and I used to sit in the bathroom with just the simplest house hold cleaners. One day, I decided to tell someone. I told my cousin, she was very shocked and didn’t know what to say. Her feelings seemed like they were hurt. I didn’t understand why though. Maybe because I walk around like nothing is wrong. I laugh but really it’s just to cover my tears.

            My friends used to say that I never seemed like anything was wrong. They never really understood why my mother and my father would never get along. They used to wonder why I would cry in the middle of class. They used to wonder why I never invited them over my house. My mother has Paranormal Schizophrenia, which is she thinks people are out to get her. She believes in things not so realistic to you. She told me this morning that she used to think that I had telekinesis to tell her to get up and take showers and get her hair done. Basically, she thought that I was crazy and that I was always in her head trying to tell her what to do. She used to think that she was a bad mother. I never thought that she was a bad mother. To me she is a perfect mother with just a couple of problems that could never be fixed.