Today is November 7, 2013

Topic of the day:

Suicide

I used to have a big issue with suicide and my angry thoughts. My mother never really noticed because I would hide my true feelings. Honestly, I thought about if I left this world. How would my mother feel? How would my friends and family feel. Sometimes, I would just think I don’t even care. I used to try to pop pills, cut myself and I used to sit in the bathroom with just the simplest house hold cleaners. One day, I decided to tell someone. I told my cousin, she was very shocked and didn’t know what to say. Her feelings seemed like they were hurt. I didn’t understand why though. Maybe because I walk around like nothing is wrong. I laugh but really it’s just to cover my tears.

            My friends used to say that I never seemed like anything was wrong. They never really understood why my mother and my father would never get along. They used to wonder why I would cry in the middle of class. They used to wonder why I never invited them over my house. My mother has Paranormal Schizophrenia, which is she thinks people are out to get her. She believes in things not so realistic to you. She told me this morning that she used to think that I had telekinesis to tell her to get up and take showers and get her hair done. Basically, she thought that I was crazy and that I was always in her head trying to tell her what to do. She used to think that she was a bad mother. I never thought that she was a bad mother. To me she is a perfect mother with just a couple of problems that could never be fixed.

Suicide

He used to be my best friend,

His amazing talents and the reasons

Of the dead.

That scar about 3 weeks old, only

A mother’s secrets behold.

Suicide, he used to be my homie.

When I felt like nothing and got

Ever so lonely.

My best friend,

He would grab that bottle of truth, and shove them

Down my throat of loneliness.

He would grab that knife and dig it into

my skin, just to see the lies spill out on the broke pen.

That dude suicide, yeah I know him.

He used to be my lover.

He cheated on me with Tyree, Josh,

Even Michael you see.

He said that he loved and would always care for me.

Razors, blades, faces that change, time that

Raced

Suicide, I don’t know him like I used too, cheated and lied. It’s never the same.

 

My best-friend Tyree :
Dead O_o

Today is September 29th, 2013

Issued Blogger Presents:

The Sunday That Just Was BAD

 

I woke up Sunday morning about 5o'clock a.m. I got up and brushed my teeth, washed my face and hopped in the shower. I got out at about 7:30ish.. Anyway, I got my dress clothes on and just sat on the bed. Everyone else in the house was up so I thought I'd just go out and say good morning to everybody. Sitting there was my dads girlfriend and my cousins. I looked in the kitchen and seen my dad cooking breakfast. I sat down at the table and said good morning to everybody and waiting for a response.  I looked around as everyone spoke with a, " Good morning Kira." I smiled as I got up out my chair and went it to give my dad a hug. He smiled and asked me how I wanted my breakfast sandwich on toast or a English muffin. He calls it the "Greg muffin". It is embarrassing because when he used to cook for O'Charleys, he used to have that on the menu. Shaking my head, laughing out loud.

Later on.........

We get to church, marvelous choir and blessed preaching. People shouting to the Lord saying, " Thank thee." My dad gets up, time to go. I get up then my dads girlfriend gets up. We walked to the car. He goes to open the door and the door handle breaks off. We all look each other as my dad released a frustration curse word. I told him to just calm down. We called AAA but they couldn't come in time, It would be a 4 hour wait. So we decided to knock on some mans door and ask him for a hanger and explain to him why we need it. He sat on his porch drinking his Budweiser. I just walked up and down the sidewalk pacing. I called Brean, one of my sisters. She just laughed, I yelled at her saying this is not funny. It's not okay. I'm stuck out here and you laughing that's why your head bigger than your thoughts. I told her that I was going to call her back. That's when I called my other best friend Rome. He answered and I told him what happened. He was so confused because he was hung over. So I just told him I would call him back. 50 minutes passed by and I just kept on walking up and down the sidewalk.

Finally,

He got the door open! I jumped in the car and buttoned my seat belt so fast. I was so happy to finally leave. I had on a dress, I started to freeze a little bit. We drove to Kroger, that's when I told them I would just stay in the car because I was scared. I turned on the radio and my favorite song came on. It was Asap Ferg and Asap Rocky talking about Shabba Ranks. I started "crankin" real hard dancing in the car. My dad and his girlfriend came back and they seen me. It was that awkward look when you know someone is watching you but you just don't even care. So we just looked at each other for that 1 minute and we just drove off. We got home about 12. I was so tired, I drunk some fruit water and just went to sleep. I'm sick... OH!!!! This is great. I'm sneezing and coughing everywhere. Amazing way to spend my Sunday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kpqi2_YDccM

My favorite song.

 

 

Today is September 22,2013 

Issued Blogger Presents:

The Horrible Weekend

 

I woke up at about 3 O'clock September 21,2013. I couldn't sleep because my chest was hurting so bad. It felt like someone was beating me in the chest with a baseball bat. The bothersome beating of my chest got harder and harder. I sat up and the beating slowed down a little bit. I thought I would be alright so I laid back down. The second I laid back down the beating started back hurting. Maybe I should take my inhaler? Maybe I should drink some water? Hmm, I got up out the bed and grabbed my inhaler. I read the dose sign as it read," 4 puffs as needed." I took 4 puffs and ran to get some water. I grabbed a bottle out the fridge and opened it, gulped it down and took a deep breath. My thoughts in my head were yelling at me," Go tell mom! Go down stairs and tell Grandma, tell someone." But, I didn't listen, I just laid back down and took really deep breaths.

I finally fell asleep. I woke up at 3:30 and it felt like I was sleep for hours. I didn't understand why I couldn't go to sleep. So I just stayed up and listened to Fredo Santana - (I Need More). I got up and started to write some rhymes in my notebook. Then, I looked through my whole book and saw lyrics from 2010. I was surprised that I even had all of those in there. But I grabbed my pen and proofread all of my lyrics and I plugged my keyboard up and made a little song.

(Lyrics Below)

 

 

I’m sitting in my room

Feeling like a fool

Wondering what I am gonna do

Without you here, keeping you near

I just wanna hold you close.

My oh my, sweet baby

My oh my, you know I need you

My oh my, I can’t stand another day without you.

You are my destiny

Everything to me!

                I remember when we used to walk along the road, I always told you I’d never let you go. You are my world, and you are my heart. And if you ever leave me, could there be a new start. Because I need you in my life. And I want you to hold me late at night and when I cry, you want to dry my eyes. Because baby your love is out of sight. Oh ….

I’m sitting in my room

Feeling like a fool

Wondering what I am gonna do

Without you here, keeping you near

I just wanna hold you close.

My oh my, sweet baby

My oh my, you know I need you

My oh my, I can’t stand another day without you.

You are my destiny

Everything to me!

 

 



Today September 15,2013.

An Issued Blogger:

Topic For This Week:

Growing up with everything:
 

When I was younger my mother was a Nurse Aid. I got everything I wanted. Shoes, clothes, jewelry, and more. I used to be so spoiled. I used to go with my mother to work, she would sit me in the room and feed me and then I would take a nap. Growing up I had everything I needed and everything I wanted. Christmas was never limited. Always something for Christmas that I knew I would get. I didn't have to worry about Santa Claus not coming because my mother and grandmother were both Santa. Everyone says that I am conceited and I don't worry about anybody else except for me. Sometimes people think that I am spoiled but I'm not. I am just blessed.

 

 

Now living the struggle:

Ever since my mother loosed her job due to a illness. Everything went down hill. I have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. If my father is paying child support. If we have food stamps or money coming in. My grandma gives me money but at the end of the day, I want to provide for myself and not have everybody else in the way for me. Living the struggle, not a horrible saying because to me it shows and explains, I will never doubt where I come from. I would never forget what brought me up and shape me to the person I am today. People can say that I am spoiled from what they seen but truly, I make it on my own.

 

 

Being alone:

Being alone and not understanding " THE NORM". I was always different. I always have someone telling me I am nothing like my brother. Or they comparing me to him. I will never be my brother. I could never have piano talent like him. People ask me, are you going to the Army like your brother. If I wanted to go you all would try to stop me anyways. So I don't think it matters.